Monday, January 16, 2012

What I wanted to say

The monkey and I were having a rough day they other day. The day was busy and filled with several errands and the Monkey was in super whine mode. Things were not going well...she got put in time out at CVS and at the doctors office and the reality is I am pretty sure I should have gotten a time out too as my patience had worn thing.

After she went down for her nap I posted the following on Facebook as it pretty much sums up the morning we had had:
I am not going to be winning any mommy awards today...after I snapped at the monkey for the 3rd or 4th time this morning because of her non-stop whining she started crying and said "I luv you Mommy"...sigh #mommyfail
I was trying to be honest about my struggles and share that with the many other moms I know. Most of the comments were encouraging and supportive. But there was one comment that just rubbed me the wrong way and left a lot of thoughts rolling around in my mind.

This post was from someone who should know me well, but doesn't. Someone with whom I have a tense relationship. Someone who I feel judges my words and actions without seeking to understand my heart. Someone with whom I would rather not be friends with on Facebook but who I feel like I can't unfriend because they are, after

They replied to my comment with this:
Award? Motherhood is a blessing not to be measured in pass or fail. At least the monkey and Mommy are sharing their feelings, never a bad thing
Hmmm....I wasn't feeling it. Like I said, it rubbed me the wrong way. As I thought about it there were so many things I wanted to say in response. I wanted to say

  • Of course motherhood is about awards, if it were none of us would do it. I was simply trying to express my mistake.
  • Of course motherhood is a blessing...I wasn't actually complaining about being a mom.
  • Yes, it is good for us to both express our feelings. But just like I don't allow her to whine and scream when she expresses hers I should not be allowed to snap at her angrily. There are better ways for us to both communicate our feelings.
  • The point is that is not the kind of mom I want to be. I don't want to be impatient and short tempered with my daughter. I was trying to express that for people who will be there and to know I am not alone in failing to be the type of mom I want to be. 
  • It is possible to fail as a mom and the reality is we all do at times. 
So much I wanted to say in response. But I didn't say any of it...mainly because I have had experience trying to rationalize with this person before. It never gets any where and I am left feeling frustrated with and judged by someone with whom I wish I could have a deeper and more honest relationship. But I also didn't say any of it because what if the real truth is I don't really seek to understand their heart the way I should either?

Friday, January 13, 2012

Favorite Things Friday

I had a baby shower to go to last weekend and volunteered to bake something. I wasn't sure what I wanted to make. I had grand ideas of trying a new recipe and making some fancy scones. But then I remembered...I have a two year old, a newborn, and I started back to work last week....I don't have time for fancy right now. Luckily, strawberries were on sale last week which reminded me of one of my favorite bread recipes.

We love this bread, a loaf barely lasts two days here. Plus it is relatively easy to make. I found the recipe on a blog several years ago, and have absolutely no idea what that blog was any more :( The original recipe called for almond extract and topping with sliced almonds, but I didn't care for that. So, I switched to vanilla extract and sprinkle to top with sugar during the last 20 minutes of baking. It gives it a great strawberries and cream flavor.

Strawberry Bread
Makes 1 regular sized loaf or 3 mini loaves


  • 2 cups all purpose flour
  • 1 teaspoon baking powder
  • 1 teaspoon baking soda
  • 1/2 teaspoon salt
  • 1/2 cup (1 stick) unsalted butter, or margarine, cut into pieces, at room temperature
  • 1 cup granulated sugar
  • ½-1 teaspoon vanilla (depending on preference.)
  • 2 eggs
  • 1 cup crushed strawberries or 1 package (10 ounces) frozen strawberries, thawed and drained on a double thickness of paper towels
Preheat the oven to 325 degrees F. Spray or grease a 9 x 5 inch loaf pan or a mini loaf pan.
In a medium bowl, whisk together the flour, baking powder, baking soda, and salt. Set aside. In a large bowl, using an electric mixer, cream the butter, sugar and almond extract until light, about 2 minutes. Beat in the eggs one at a time, beating well after each addition. Mix in the flour mixture alternately with the crushed strawberries.
Spoon the batter into the prepared pan. Bake in the center of the oven for 55 to 60 minutes (50 to 55 minutes for mini loaves), or until a cake tester or toothpick inserted into the center comes out clean.
Cool the bread in the pan for 5 minutes, then invert onto a wire rack and turn right side up to cool completely.

*If you prefer substitute almond extract for the vanilla and top with 1/3C sliced almonds before baking. 

In an effort to make this a little more fancy (because I am after all a neurotic perfectionist) I also made a batch of this strawberry was fantastic!

Thursday, January 12, 2012

Blog Fail

So I started this blog last year excited about sharing my thoughts on motherhood. I was excited to share my journey with you and have you all share your journey with me. But unfortunately, I failed majorly in this endeavor. In my defense, I have a pretty good excuse.

You see, I was working on another major project:

That's right, we added a new member to our family this year. Our little man was born on November 7th. We couldn't be happier to have him in our family.

The problem was I had another difficult pregnancy. Severe morning sickness for the entire pregnancy, lots of back pain, etc. Basically, I HATE being pregnant. And this time it was harder since I had a toddler to take care of. So, some things, like this blog had to go.

But the little man is two months old now and I am ready to get back in the saddle and try this thing again. Because, after all, that a part of motherhood too...starting over when you have failed.

I have several thoughts that have been ruminating but for now I will leave you with a couple of pictures of our new family.
 The Monkey loves her little brother! She can't get enough of him.